Health Pills (More commonly know as Happy Pills to Kreese Kreeley and Howard "Buckshot" Holmes) are an item that can restore Jack's health. They come in two varieties, single pill and a set of 3 pills. The single pill restores a small amount of Jack's health while the pack of 3 pills will restore a large amount of health. These pills are often seen inside crates, defeating enemies, or just laying around Jefferson Island.
- Howard: "How does those Happy Pills work?"
- Kreese: "Well, there are two kinds. If Jack takes the Blue Pill, the story ends. He wakes up in his bed and believes whatever he wants to believe. If Jack takes the Red Pill, he stays in Wonderland and sees how deep the rabbit hole goes."
- Kreese: "I can tell you from experience that those happy pills work better when you grind them up and inject them into the folds of your scrotum."
- Howard: "I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me one thing that ISN'T better when you grind it up and inject it into the folds of your scrotum."
- Kreese: "Haha! You got me!"