The Happy Onion is a health item in the game that is designed to completely restore Jack's health.

Commentator QuotesEdit

  • Howard: "Is that an onion in your pocket, or you're just happy to see me?"

Kreese: "I know you're trying to do an Happy Onion joke, but it's not working."

Howard: "I..know. But I'm trying..."

Kreese: "...Stop trying!!"

  • Kreese: "Jack looks better after the Happy Onion."

Howard: " I always feel better after the Happy Ending!"

Kreese: "Not Happy Ending, you idiot, Happy Onion!"

Howard: "Obviously, you've never fucked an onion!"


  • Jack can be seen eating a happy onion in a cut scene during the Mad Castle arc.
  • The happy onion is the only non-weapon item that has to be unlocked from a weapons case in order to be accessed on lower levels (It is shown centered at in the tower elevator on the last level as an exception).
  • Happy onions are supplied by external sources in lower levels, where non-unlocked sequences apply.
  • In the tower colosseum on the last level, a Geishas supply Jack with happy onions at the last second prior to death (When his health is near 1 HP [One hit and he's down]).
  • According to commentator quotes, Howard has had sex with an onion.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.